Gems of the 1990's - Skrull Kill Krew

In honor of DC and Marvel’s latest forays into earth-shattering, mind-blowing, changes-everything-you-thought-you-knew crossovers, I thought my next gem of the 1990’s should be something that is mildly related to Final Crisis and Secret Invasion.

Now, there’s a lot of hype at Marvel and a lot of claims that if you go back and re-read all the New Avengers trade paperbacks, you’ll be able to see that Secret Invasion has been planned for years. This is complete and utter B.S. Marvel does a lot of things well. Long-term planning and continuity are not among them. But there was a time in the mid-90’s when a couple of Scotsmen, one of whom is particularly wedded to certain kinds of continuity, teamed up to write about a bunch of folks on motorcycles killing aliens.

Now, calling SKK a gem might give the impression that I think it’s a good comic. Well, it’s not. In tone, it smacks more of Millar than Morrison and is outrageously violent. It’s one of those books where you half-expect all the characters to be shouting ‘EXTREME!’ at any given moment. In fact, I feel that way about a lot of Mark Millar’s work… but I digress…

Firstly, SKK showed us a lot about two creators who have been among the centerpieces of the big two in recent years. SKK is essentially a story of Grant Morrison’s ideas told in Mark Millar’s voice, and it explains why those two have landed in their respective roles today. Millar doesn’t have much use for continuity but uses action really well. I’ve always heard good things about his Superman Adventures comics, but he clearly never bit the big time at DC, and after reading much of his work, I’m convinced it’s because they were afraid he’d break any mainstream continuity characters they gave him.

On the other hand, Morrison dug up the skrull cows to create SKK. Morrison is well-read and creative, and in most of his writing, he either needs to take a story and character forward into a new incarnation or he needs to have it revisit concepts from the past. Marvel ultimately wants to have action packed comics and series with a lot of big ‘snkits’ and ‘bonks’, but the company needs to have its characters be recognizable to the casual reader. SKK showed Morrison digging up an old idea, but the counterweight of Millar made sure that the comic would be action packed but not too out there. This contrast says a lot about who both of these writers are today, and why they’ve found success at their respective companies.

Additionally, SKK, like Hitman, did a good job of being a part of the over-the-top silliness of 90’s super-hero comics while at the same time knowingly parodying it. The covers for the series are absolutely phenomenal, and they’re the primary reason I felt so strongly about tracking down the issues on ebay. There’s a token appearance by Captain America that really drives home that sense that super-hero comics had gotten away from their true meaning. The ‘heroes’ in the story aren’t particularly heroic. They’re simply a force that brings death to skrulls hiding among humans, and they themselves are faced with certain inevitabilities that caused their murderous rampage to begin with.

So there it is, Second Printers. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t even that good. But it’s in my long box and probably yours as well, and it’s worth owning because of what it tells us about the 90’s and what it tells us about two important creators.

Devon's Fave Five Kirby Visuals

5. Kirby Dots

Shorthand for "Koiby here. I'm about to make something epic happen here, people." The dots get to dottin' and out comes the pseudo-science! Kirby Dots are to be used sparingly, too many and it's all like being in a room with too much weed smoke. Everything's cloudy, everyone's bug-eyed and somebody just needs to get up off their damned ass and open a f*ckin' window and let out some of these Kirby Dots!

4. M.O.D.O.K. (Mental Organism Designed Only For Killing)

It's a giant killin' head.

'Nuff Said.

3. A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics)

A.I.M. is an organization of scientists dedicated to taking over the world through scientific means.

Where M.O.D.O.K. goes these yellow jumpsuit sportin' science dudes can't be far behind.

A.I.M. is shorthand for:

Lasers.

When you join A.I.M., you must be issued a pack of cigarettes, an I.D. number, a book on bee-keeping and a laser cannon.

Seriously, when A.I.M. shows up in any Marvel book, instantly, it becomes Laser Tag: The Comic.

Science quiz: Has there ever been a time when shooting lasers in comics wasn't awesome? No and thanks to Kirby, there won't ever have to find out.

I mean, look at them. Is it me or doesn't the thought of the science club nerd you picked on in high school joining a science-based terrorist organization serving the whims of a giant head with tiny li'l arms and legs just do it for you?

Seriously, how fed up with trying to getting the word out about the dangers of smoking and unprotected sex do you have to be to join a terrorist organization?

If this sound like you then, you just may be A.I.M. material.

2. The Black Racer

Why The Black Racer? Well, it's just what he symbolizes. He's the Apokoliptian version the ferryman at the River Styx. And, let's be honest with each other, if you see a black man from another planet barreling down on your ass on skis, you pretty much've seen everything you've needed to see in this life, so...

1. Lila

Just so wrong and sexy on so many wrong levels. As far as Lila goes as a character, she's either feminist statement or "vagina dentata," I haven't quite decided yet. As a visual, Lila is simply incredible.

Science and Nerdery, Part the Second

Much like a late-eighties, strictly kayfabe'd WWF talent, I am a man thoroughly attached to my gimmick, and my gimmick, of late, is thusly: I am going to make my girlfriend read event comics and then tell you how insane these things are to people who don't have years of experience.

She did alright with Secret Invasion a couple weeks back, but Final Crisis? My God, that's a different story.

Page One:

Actual quote (I took notes): "...the fuck?" I guess she was not expecting cavemen.

Page Two:

"I am Meat-ron, and I look like the Silver Surfer in an egg chair." Unassailable point, there, really.

Pages Four through Seven:

She wanted to know why the cavemen were saying "exclamation point." Which is, actually, sort of a fair point given the great pains Morrison later goes to in order to make Mirror Master read as Scottish. I'd buy panels of cavemen saying "ut!" and "ag!" just as easily as one of, oh, I don't know, Dan Turpin saying "tzzaow!"

Page Nine:

Not a clue who Orion is/was. This isn't surprising, really - the New Gods have an amazingly low profile with non-readers, considering how important they're always supposed to be. She had absolutely no clue about any of them save Mister Miracle, and that's only because I love Mister Miracle to bits.

Page Nine, Panel Four:

I made the mistake of pointing out the Black Racer.

Her: So, he's just a guy on air-skis?
Me: Yeah. Death on air-skis.
Her: He's all 'fuck snow, you guys should get air-skis.'
Me: Yes. He is not a ridiculous idea in the least.

Page Ten, Panel Four:

Her: What's a 1011?
Me: ...read the very next panel.

Page Ten, Panel Five:

Her: Oh, hah hah.
Me: Way to be impatient.

Page Twelve:

She didn't know who the Question was in the first place, much less that the current Question wasn't the original Question, much much less that the new Question was a girl and the old Question was a boy. In fact, when the Question was brought up at all, she thought they were referring to, you know, an actual question. I asked why they'd mention the gender of an interrogative at all and she got very confused indeed. I guess she thought they were being deeply philosophical.

Page Fifteen:

Her: Why are there midgets in space? Do they have feet? What's a LaGrange Point?
Me: They're the Guardians of the Universe. They have feet, they're just wearing space-robes, or something. A LaGrange Point is crazy science that really has no bearing here.

I had to explain what the Guardians of the Universe did, what the Green Lantern Corps is, and why Grant Morrison was shoehorning science-y words into police procedure. I don't even know what the Hell the Guardians meant with that LaGrange Point thing; there're, like, five of them for any given planet, right?

Page Eighteen:

Not a clue who Sparx, Empress or Mas y Menos were, which is entirely to be expected, because one of them is such a d-lister she had the wrong skin color the last time she made an appearance in a big event book.

Page Nineteen:

Had a little trouble with the massively abrupt jump cut from Light to the Justice League - there wasn't even a narration box to tell you where the scene was. In fact, there's no narration boxes anywhere at all, and like four establishing shots the entire book.

Page Twenty:

I swear to God, she didn't recognize Lex Luthor. I was like "bald guy, evil, wearing a suit with a giant 'L' on the chest?" She knows cartoon Luthor, with the business suit and the Shawshank Redemption voice.

Page Twenty-One:

"Who's the little douche in the ski mask?" Oh, the perils of hanging anything on characters that haven't appeared in my lifetime, I swear. Though I think Human Flame's Who's Who should just say "little douche in a ski mask."

Page Twenty-Two:

Now, remember last time, when the girlfriend was actually shocked and surprised by Iron Man's butler being a space alien, even though all she knew about Iron Man's butler was that he was, I don't know, Iron Man's butler? I don't think I've seen her care about anything less than Martian Manhunter getting kabob'd. I think it might be because it gets absolutely no set up, but I'm also under the impression that there's no Goddamn way Manhunter's actually dead and it's just so obvious from the writing that we're not supposed to think he is. Or this scene just sucked. I don't know.

Personally, I think Human Flame is J'onn and he's either using a psychic whammy or a mindwiped White Martian as a patsy, here. Or J'onn's Libra. Something's screwy, either way, and it's a Law of Crises that J'onn gets written out in a really inane way really early.

(The second Law of Crises is that Barry Allen shows up so people can weep into their beards a little.)

Pages Twenty-Four and Five:

So, yeah, wasn't really expecting to have to explain Darkseid by way of Seven Soldiers.

Page Twenty-Six:

Welcome to the First Page Wherein I Didn't Have to Tell My Girlfriend Who Anybody Was.

Page Twenty-Eight:

Her: What's a Multiversal Orrery?
Me: Oh, you got me, there.

I mean, I know what an orrery is, but you throw "multiversal" ahead of anything and I just clam up.

Page Thirty-Two and Three:

I don't even know. Seriously, could DC do a story that doesn't involve All Of Time? I don't care if Anthro and Kamandi are in continuity, I really really don't. And neither did the girlfriend. All she saw were two cavemen at some indeterminate point in time and space yelling at each other in a story that didn't seem to set anything up, and then a guy who was sort-of kind-of recognizable as the Monitor that got exiled four pages back woke up.

The girlfriend, she had no idea what was going on. Hell, I'm not even a hundred percent, myself. She much preferred Secret Invasion - characters she didn't recognize there weren't huge players and were always identified with little floating bubbles telling the reader at least what their names were. There's no such helpful narration, here, just the old trick of making characters occasionally identify each other by name out loud every once and again.

This is, very probably, a completely moot point, discussed to death and then resurrected each time DC trots out a new Crisis showpony, but DC crossovers are crazily impenetrable without an absolute ton of foreknowledge - they're counting on you to know the New Gods, the version of the New Gods from Mister Miracle from three years ago, and at least a vague idea of what's happened in two different fifty-two part miniseries. I can't even tell if the story's good, yet.

Mortar Combat

The comic shop, as we know it, is a strong and mighty thing.

So was the record industry. And much like the record industry, digital downloading threatens to take a substantial bite out of the industry pie.

We've heard the arguments:

"Comics cost too much."

"They're doing too many crossovers. Who can afford to keep up with them all."

"Comics haven't been very good lately. Why should I pay for something I may not want?"

Sure, alot of the blame could and SHOULD lay at the feet of the comics publisher but you know what? I've never published a comic so I can only talk about what I know: selling comics in a comic book store.

With bookstores, online subscription services and digital downloading more prevalent, the comics shop as we know it, is on notice and doesn't seem to know or care.

I think the idea of the comics shop needs a lot of tweaking. Too many comic shop owners hold onto a model of “If we open the doors, people will come in.” Maybe they will but can you make them WANT to stay? Only in the comic book business model does the usually customer EXPECT to get “fair” to “middling” service on a weekly basis. Too many comics shops run like extensions of an owner's basement. Televisions blaring, product remaining unorganized, their friends hanging out. You walk in and usually you're asked if you can be helped, all said in a way that infers they'd rather be doing anything but. This is no way to run a business. The brick and mortar experience, in some stores, isn't anything you'd want to experience. In order to combat this, here's my advice to any comic shop wanting to do better:

Think.

You sell other's ideas, some of these ideas have been done to death. There's nothing you can do about that. All of the other comic shops have access to the same Previews order forms and the same product that you do. There will never be anything you can do about it.

You can't change the product so here's what you do:

You change the customer.

You have them expect SERVICE.

You bother to memorize their names. They walk in having CHOSEN to do business with you. This is what you call a “business relationship.” Box numbers are for soapbox racers, not customers.

Greet them as they walk in. You don't know what type of day this person is having. Your store should be their own little “Fortress of Solitude” each and every time they walk through the door. Don't kill that buzz, encourage it. Treat your shop as a their haven. This is how you keep a customer by building community and reputation one customer at a time. Encourage that.

Keep in mind that with your actions, the first time someone walks into a comics shop could be their last time. You don't want to be the cause of that.

Make yourself obsolete. When I say this, I don't mean it in the sense of, "Fire yourself." No, train your employees. Train them to be knowledgeable. Don't keep them ignorant. Enable them. Encourage them. A good employee will work as hard while you're gone as they would when you're there. The greatest compliment I ever got was from a customer who called to let me know he didn't know I was on vacation.

If I request something, don't give me an "I don't know." Any business that follows that up with a "...but let me find out for you," will likely keep me as a customer.

Order as if you were a new customer. This should be a no-brainer but keep comics & trades in stock. Don't think that because someone bought DC: The New Frontier Volume One your job's done. Ask yourself, while you're waiting for that person to come back and purchase Volume Two, did you lose a new customer by not re-ordering Vol. One?

Don't arrange your sections according to some sort of logic that only you can understand. Alphabetically by book title usually works for me.

Be quick to make it right. Screw-ups happen. Diamond may have screwed up your order but you know what? The customer really doesn't care. Instead of making excuses, make it right. Do whatever you need to do remind that customer why they chose your business in the first place.

Try to order a few titles outside of your comfort zone. Not everyone's in love with superheroes. Stock your store as if you were a customer on the hunt for something new and exciting. Treat your store as if it were a treasure chest. Try a new Oni Press title every once in a while. If it doesn't sell, lesson learned. There is no sweeter sound than a customer shocked that "They have this!?"

Have a favorite title? Try and keep it that way. Books get canceled due to low sales. Sell a book as if its life depended on it. When I worked at a certain place, I would scream from the rafters the glories of Blue Beetle, Local and Manhunter, we took our numbers from single digits to doing “mid-tier” X-Men title numbers. All on word of mouth. Use your words to sell your comics.

Always remember that your doors literally open to some of the greatest stories ever told. Under your roof, gods battle for control of the universe, redheaded teenagers in their 70's stay young and alive, aliens invade on a weekly basis, animals stand upright and do whatever it takes to make you laugh, Superman fights “The Never-Ending Battle,” crime wars are waged on top of rooftops and giant typewriters and stories about ordinary lives thrown into extraordinary circumstances unfold on the comics page.

These are the things an online subscription service can't offer the consumer, that sense of adrenaline you can feel on a new glorious Wednesday. This is the thing only you can offer them.

A "New Comics Day!"

If the idea of that doesn't excite you then, man... you're in the wrong business.

Getting To Know...Us: The Anwers pt. 2

So here it is - part two!!

What's the worst ending to a comic book series ever? Including mini, maxi, and open-ended series?

JC: Civil War #7. Like that was the first time Cap noticed collateral fucking damage? Christ.

DS: Civil War #7. Captain America gave up because the civil service turned against him, my ass.

BH: Again, it is hard to come up with a something terrible. I will say that I was wholly disappointed with the recent Action Comics Annual. With the series having progressed so far and Chris Kent back in his adoptive parents’ arms, the ending felt out of place and lame. They should have just left it in the can.

MP: Countdown. It wasn't counting down to anything.

"What happened?"

DS: Are we talking about “What happened, happened?”

I'm going to remain a gentleman and simply say that things didn't work out. I would have liked to stay but it wasn't meant to be. Hindsight being what it is, I'm grateful for the experience. I have a quality of life now I couldn't have had had I stayed. Others may have gotten the house but in a sense, I got to keep the kids.

BH: First, my Mom and my Dad met because she was my older brother’s teacher. Hmm, this could take a while. So let’s fast forward. Now I am sitting in my boxers writing answers to these questions.

JC: Devon beat a nun to death on the steps of a church, I don't know.

MP: I wouldn't know. I'm kind of an A-Hole.

DC's recent handling of Kirby: Homage or Hubris?

MP: Homage. Even if the writing hasn't been great, the intent is to honor, not to defame. Besides, Morrison's Seven Soldiers was pretty awesome, and that excuses a lot.

BH: You know what homage sounds like? Fromage – man, I love cheese.

DS: Morrison on New Gods is a definite homage. That is what he does, after all.

JC: I stopped reading Countdown and all attached to it a long time gone; I gather they killed the New Gods so as to replace them with Morrison versions thereof - that's probably an okay idea. Digging up Kamandi and OMAC is more silly than anything. It'd be an homage if they didn't, like, own all the stuff he did and hubris if... actually, I'm not a hundred percent on what they could do with it so as to constitute hubris.

This last year of comics... what's up with that?

BH: When I was in sixth grade I hit myself in the face with a metal pole. You know, gripped it like a baseball bat and cracked it into my forehead. As joke, I might add. That was what the last year of comics has been like.

JC: DC totally lost me and Marvel either got way more interesting or I got way more desperate.

DS: Somewhere along the line the companies realized they can keep getting your money through weekly comics and big, dumb events that go nowhere. As the numbers bear out, we let them and they continued to do so. We have no one but ourselves to blame.

MP: The good has been good and the bad has been bad. But if you'd asked me a year ago what my favorite books would be in a year, I never would've said "Blue Beetle" and "Booster Gold."

This next year of comics... will it make up for it?

DS: I truly don't know. Comics themselves seem to be going to this place where there can be no middle ground. Either you're with it or against it. I'm anxious to see what Final Crisis brings as I think it'll truly be a defining moment in a lot of customers' future comics buying habits.

JC: Secret Invasion's been fun so far. Final Crisis will more than likely be... frequently late, I guess, but it should be an interesting ride. I'm too much of a cynic to guess right now, but DC's going to have to throw me up a Hail Mary to get me back on their boat. That was a massively mixed metaphor.

MP: I know everybody's on about Invasion and Crisis. But Terry Moore's Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane mini has me giddy like a schoolperson.

BH: In this year we have already had Blue Beetle #25, Immortal Iron Fist #13, Checkmate #25, some really great tie-ins for Secret Invasion, and one month of amazing lead-ups to Final Crisis. I am not big on counting chickens but I am going to say yes.

Which of the big two is doing it better as of this writing?

JC: Well, Hell; should've read 'em all before answering. Marvel.

DS: Marvel. From the films to the comics, they just seem to know exactly what their fanbase wants, whether know they even it themselves. DC has more diversity with Vertigo, Minx & Jonny DC lines but the output from there hasn't been exactly burning the roof off the mothersucker lately. And, as far as the movies go, well... enjoy The Dark Knight 'cause that's all you're getting for a while.

BH: Can my answer be neither? I think for the best writing you have to turn to the smaller presses like Oni. It is the smaller presses that don’t have years of expectations and millions and millions of dollars riding on a comic that allow them the freedom to tell truly inspiring stories. Not that you can’t great writing from the big two, it is just more of good writing within a standard as opposed to just great writing within the comic medium.

I guess that doesn’t really answer the question. So I am going to say DC because I am a loyalist.

MP: DC... they may have hung themselves with Countdown, but they have so many books that fly under the radar that are really solid right now (see also: Birds of Prey, Supergirl).

When is the Second Printing Podcast starting? When it happens will you get use than one microphone?

MP: That reminds me of the time we were podcasting, and Jon Carey was like "Here's the microphone" and I put my hand around it and then I was like "Whoa, that's not the microphone," and then Carey was like "I know..." and then... what was the question?

BH: A Second Printing Podcast is not in the works. Frankly, we can’t afford the equipment. I know we could do it for super cheap but we’ve tried that before and it sounded terrible. The idea of buying the stuff has been batted but we are not ready to make a full swing yet. Let’s get a couple of months of good blog work under our belts.

JC: Buy us some recording equipment, and we'll talk.

DS: I know where there's a $300 mixing board collecting dust. So...

Which character in Fiction do you most identify with?

DS: Hawkman. I'm smart, shirtless a lot and like to hit things.

BH: Flounder from The Little Mermaid. I am a stout, short, and sort of a moron. I have no beef with it though.

JC: John Yossarian, probably.

MP: Probably the annoying redheaded kid from the Mighty Ducks.

Which do you wish you were more like?

BH: Mary Anne from "Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel". That steam shovel might not have been the fastest or the most modern but she had gumption and just kept digging. That’s all I aspire to – just keep going.

MP: Hulk. I've always wanted to smash.

DS: Superman. One of his greatest gifts is patience. I have none.

JC: Captain America. Why not?

What's your superhero name?

MP: Hmmm... I think it would be fun to be called Dough Boy, but I don't know what my powers would be.

BH: I was going to say The Amazing All-You-Can-Eat but then my wife said that made me, “Sound like a huge comic nerd.” So I am going to say The Narcoleptic.

JC: I once had a dream that I was a speedster named The Pedestrian. We'll go with that.

DS: I think I was born with one, actually. “Agent of S.H.E. I. L.D” sounds pretty good behind Devon Sanders, don't you think?

Most improved character of recent history?

DS: Immortal Iron Fist. Proof positive that every character, no matter how worn or dated, has stories left to tell.

BH: Sinestro.

JC: Nova.

MP: Supergirl

Most tarnished character of recent history?

BH: Bishop. That is the thorn in my paw right now.

DS: Nightwing, the fact that writers and editors don't know what to do with arguably, the fourth most important hero in the DC Universe, just disgusts me. Although, current writer Peter Tomasi is definitely on the right track.

JC: Iron Man was getting pretty hosed in every book but his own for a while, there, but they've been making him less Satan-y of late.

MP: Not a character so much but I think the overall brand of the Justice League is in the tubes thanks to the weak sauce they put out after Infinite Crisis and One Year Later.

How do you each combat the so-called "humans" among us who try to persuade you that only small children and the deeply retarded read comic books?

JC: Christ, dude, I watch pro wrestling. Comics are the least of my problems.

BH: Dress nicely and stay well groomed. For real, I mean it. It is hard for anyone to talk shit about your pastimes and hobbies if you are decked out to the nines and your hair and stuff isn’t all jacked up. As I sport jeans with holes in them and stained T-shirts I can’t speak from it personally. But I have seen the look of, “Huh, maybe I am wrong” on people’s faces when one of my styling friends admits they read comics to non-readers.

DS: I don't. I honestly think most people aren't sophisticated enough for comics. Comics asks of you contemplation of an idea, then asks you to hold it for a month or longer, re-examine it and move on. Comics reading takes thought, commitment, patience and above all else, an appreciation of art and the written word, things we don't encourage enough in today's society.

MP: I remind them of the rich and important history of comics and the pivotal role that comics and comic book characters have played in the overarching American narrative. And if that doesn't work, I hand them Scott Pilgrim.

So that's it. I hope you guys have had fun reading these answers and have learned a little bit about each of us.

Getting To Know...Us: The Answers Pt. 1

So you asked and we have answered. Actually we had such fun answering the questions that we are splitting the responses up over two days. So without anymore introduction:

Devon: it is rumored that thou errest not, and in fact I think you even predicted that Superboy Prime was responsible for Infinite Crisis long before anyone else did, so I guess the rumors are true. With that in mind, can you give us five startling predictions about upcoming DC events?

Devon Sanders: I have no clue. The DC Universe is a very disjointed place right now and things point to it staying this way for a while.

Three Legions really don't help this along either.

Worst comic or trade paperback you've ever read?

Jon Carey: Mighty Mutanimals. I don't know if y'all remember this, but it was a Ninja Turtles spin-off starring all the other non-turtle mutants and, oh my golly, even Very Young Jon knew it was bad news.

Ben Hatton: Usually when something is the worst my brain tends to block it out like it never existed. But if I had to dredge something up it would have to be Ultimates 3 #1. That comic was without redemption and I love Joe Madureira’s art. I don’t know if it just was the contrast with the rest of the line but I really hated that book.

DS: I can't remember what it was but it was one of those Rob Liefeld “Awesome Comics” titles and it was written by Warren Ellis. It was so awful that I tore it to shreds for being so bad.

Mike Pellegrino: Green Arrow Showcase vol. 1... he's my favorite character and it's still like watching a car accident in slow motion.

Best comic or trade paperback you've ever read?

DS: Daredevil: Born Again. I break it out at least once a year to re-read. The most perfect example of “The Hero's Journey” I've ever read. Joe Kelly's Superman story “What's So Funny About Truth, Justice And The American Way” is another favorite as well.

BH: Mage by Matt Wagner, both “Hero Discovered” and “Hero Defined” are amazing. To this day I attribute that and the “Quiver” storyline by Kevin Smith that got me back into comics after three or four years of not reading.

JC: Whatever issue of Starman had Ted Knight's funeral in it. I can't recall the number offhand, but it's choked me up like a little girl every single time.

MP: Hard question... but the issue of Planetary about Superman, Green Lantern, and Wonder Woman... well, let's just say it gets to me.

Favorite Fiction novel?

BH: Changes daily, but right now it is Death of Sweet Mister.

JC: Catch-22.

DS: The Intuitionist by Colson Whitehead. It is the perfect first novel. My favorite short story is “Eve's Diary” by Mark Twain. It let's you known that if you ever adored someone you've truly lived.

MP: The Razor's Edge.

# of long boxes/short boxes owned?

BH: 15 drawer long boxes. That’s right, I said drawer boxes. You may be acceptably jealous.

JC: Four-ish? I don't know. A solid amount of my books live in not-long-boxes in my parents' house, so I really haven't the foggiest.

DS: 18, down from 24. I hope to have it down to 10 by the end of the year.

MP: 5 Long but I just started collecting again in 2005. I have stuff at my mom's house rotting away in drawers and shoe boxes.

360/PS3/Wii?...all/neither?

MP: I am the Danica Patrick of Mario Kart Wii... except that I'm not a hot chick.

BH: Wii. I have clocked an almost marriage ending number of hours in Super Smash Bros. Brawl recently.

JC: I have a GameCube, a half-functioning PS2 and my girlfriend's old DS.

DS: I have neither. I suck at every video game I've ever played. From Pong to Mario Kart, I suck. Wanna laugh? Watch me get upset as my seven-year old nephew runs up and down the field on my ass in Madden. Oh, he laughs and laughs. I did get a perfect score singing “Creep” by Radiohead on Rock Band but I do have the voice of an angel so that may not count.

Gorilla Robots or Gorilla Ninjas?

JC: I have absolutely no idea what you're getting at.

BH: Orangutan Cowboys

DS: Grant Morrison.

MP: Nazi Gorilla Vampires

Zombies or Werewolves?

DS: Is this Robert Kirkman again?

BH: Mummies

JC: Are zombies passe yet? Could they be? I guess werewolves, but only because I'm so sick of Goddamn zombies.

MP: Werewolves. Zombies can't fetch.

Transmetropolitan: Love it or just "meh" about?


MP: Only read the first trade... but I did love it.

BH: Love it. I don’t read it too often because it makes me want to go out and start some shit. That and get a tattoo on my head.

JC: Love it.

DS: I've never been a big fan of gonzo journalism, Hunter S. Thompson or dystopian futures so...”meh.”

Emerald Twilight story, worst idea ever or BEST?

JC: I am wholly indifferent. Never been a big Latern fan, even though I'm apparently the Earth Prime Hal Jordan.

BH: It was the best of storylines. It was the blerst of storylines.

DS: It was what it was. No one was paying any attention to Green Lantern at the time anyway and you know what, it got people's attention. We got Kyle Rayner out of it and got some really good stories that lead up to the eventual return to greatness of Hal Jordan and The Green Lantern Corps. So, yeah, I'd say Emerald Twilight was definitely for the best.

MP: Honestly? Never read it.

Have any of you paid over 35 bucks for a single issue of a comic? If so what was it?


BH: The Amazing Screw On Head by Mike Mignola. When I bid on Ebay I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that I was paying in pounds. Stupid British currency.

JC: I think I paid twenty for the first appearance of Cloak and Dagger back in the day, thanks to a shady comic shop guy snookering a young me out of a gift certificate. That's probably the most I've paid.

DS: No, but if you did I'd like to invite you over to my apartment where I have thousands of comics going for just $35 a piece.

MP: No...most I paid was 12 bucks for the second issue of 'Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow'... it was not near mint as advertised..

Ted Kord: For or against his demise?

BH: Totally for, everything good that has come out of DC has been because thought of giving a B-list character an important death.

JC: Whacking him was sort of a cheap ploy, but there're few things I enjoy more than nerdly wailing and gnashing of teeth, so I guess I'm pro-death in the long run.

DS: I'm sorry to say it but Ted Kord, in the way that he died, said more about the way he'd lived. He died a hero and we sort of forgot that while living for his next “BWA-HA-HA!” So, “for.”

MP: If the only good thing that ever came from his death was the last issue of 52, it would be enough. And that's not a knock against Ted.

First comic you ever read?


BH: I have no idea. My guess it was like a Tintin, Bugs Bunny, or Uncle Scrooge story or something. As for the first comic I remember reading and being like, “Holy Crap! I am a comic fan.” It would have to be the Lobo’s Big Babe Spring Break Special for obvious reasons.

JC: Some random issue of Batman, I'd wager.

DS: I don't remember the first comic exactly but I do remember the first one that left an impression on me, Daredevil #166, DD vs. The Gladiator. My first exposure to Frank Miller. It was the first time I ever felt “wild-eyed” while reading a comic.

MP: Issue of X-Men from my cousin's collection... it was from the 'In the Power of Proteus' storyline.

Last comic you just finished reading?

JC: Hand to God, an issue of Rom. The one where the Dire Wraiths punch a hole in the sun. Ditko was totally phoning it in by then, but his finish penciller was Jackson Guice, and that's such a bizarre combination that it blows my mind.

BH: Robin #174. Read below for my response to it.

DS: Amazing Spider-Man #560, my first Spidey in nearly 4 years and only because of the Marcos Martin artwork. One loses a love for Spidey once he realizes he's older than Peter Parker.

MP: The most recent issue of Robin. Spoiler Alert! (Ba-dum-ching)

Digital comic distribution vs brick and mortar comic stores: Thoughts, opinions?

BH: I buy my comics on the web now. It is just super, super cheaper. I am kind of an all or nothing sort of guy. I am buying everything or I am buying none. The discounts of DCBS allows me to participate in the pastime as I want to but without breaking the bank.

JC: The idea of an online comic shop interests me, but I end up snap-judging so many books on the fly and walking out with crap I'd never've thought I'd pick up that I think I'm pretty much stuck with a brick and mortar for the time being.

DS: To me, nothing will ever replace the tactile nature of the comic book. I have a ritual where I keep them near the bed and read them until sleepy. I can't see myself doing this via laptop.

Although with the average comic pricing out at nearly $3 and the comics companies' need to tack on more and more “must-have” tie-ins surrounding “event” books and lot of us feeling burned on them, I can see why people are turning to downloading to fuel their habit.

Doesn't make it right though.

The companies and retailers themselves really aren't doing anything to further their own cause right now.

THAT is another post for later this week, actually.

MP: I miss having a local comic book shop a lot. It was nice to have something special to look forward to every Wednesday. I miss socializing with friends and so on, and I'd be lying if I said I kept in touch with everyone from my old shop. But I spend a lot less money using an online service, and I have a community of comic book geeks that I still socialize with. But ultimately, the 'Cheers' aspect of a good LCS is irreplaceable, so if you've got it, hang onto it and do what you can to make it better.

Who is more powerful? Mork from Ork, Jeanie, or Samantha.

DS: Benson.

BH: Samantha. The Orkians are goof balls and Jeanie is basically by herself. But an army of crotchety witches backs Samantha.

JC: Samantha replaced her freaking husband with a more different guy and nobody ever noticed. Winner.

MP: I wouldn't know because I'm not freakin' old!

And on that note we are done for today. Come back tomorrow for PART TWO.

On Appreciation…A Musing

Before I start I just want to say that everyone who is really into the happenings in the DC Universe should go out and buy The Flash #240 and Birds of Prey #118. I do not know exactly what is going on but it is apt that it begins with the kids of the DCU and with Flash’s kids specifically. I love a legacy.

And now, loyal Second Printers, I have a SPOILER WARNING. That is right, I am doing something I do not usually do and am giving away a key story point. So if you have not read Robin #174 – you might want to STOP READING.


In the last few years I have been to a fair amount of comic conventions: a few Wizard World Philadelphias, all three NYCCs, two or three Baltimores – you know doing my best to run the gamut, to experience the experience as it were. For me, conventions are all about panels and I have gone to my share of talks on DC Nation, Final Crisis, Countdown, 52, etc, each which ran at least an hour. So you have to figure over the last three years I have spent close to a day’s worth of time in DC panels and there has not been one panel – one damn panel – where someone has not brought up Stephanie Brown, her death and her memorial. Not one damn panel. You add to the Blogpshpere going bat crazy over it and I would say that a large portion of my comic experience since 2005 has revolved around Spoiler’s demise. Hell, I half expected to see a freaking candlelight vigil in her honor.

Well now she is back as Spoiler. Not resurrected Jason Todd style, she just never died. What do the pitchfork waving, torch sporting, Stephanie Brown fans have to say about it? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Believe me, I have been scouring the big blogs and news sites for some sort of reaction and have come up wanting. So I am calling bullshit on you all. There needs to be some thanks given.

Let me backtrack, I do not hate Spoiler. I just never cared about her death or what was being done in her memory. Now that she is back, I also do not care. It was not the cause I chose to champion. However, if it was, you can guarantee I would be flipping my shit and you would be seeing a ton of “She’s Back” posts. Here is the thing, like our grandparents, comic companies do not have to dick for us. They do not have to bring back Manhunter or Amazing Spider-Girl. They do not have change Superman back to his normal self from red and blue. They do not have to keep Peter Parker Spider-Man instead of Ben Reilly. They do not have to do any of that. So, when we complain and shout and they choose to listen, to play into our whims and wants, we should be appreciative.

If Dan Didio came out and said, “We don’t care about sales, John Rogers and Rafael Albuquerque are going to take Blue Beetle to one hundred issues,” I would kiss him on the mouth. In fact, I would devote the rest of my time here on Second Printing to how I would kiss him on the mouth.

If the big two don’t see our appreciation, don’t see their sales spike and all that, then they will stop listening. That means Kate Spencer rides the sidelines, May Day Parker floats in limbo, and Stephanie Brown stays beaten to death. Come on comic fans prove that we are not just a bunch of PCU Causeheads, who only look for things to bitch about. Show that we can celebrate when our hard fought battles are won. Show that we can say thank you.