Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Fate Of The Universe Is In YOUR Hands

The head of Richie Rich rests upon a pike.

The Archie Universe is close to fallen, a shadow of its former self. The Crusaders have fled for surer parts and Captain Pureheart wasn't strong enough to hold up the universe.

Betty AND Veronica accept their fates as they watch eternal love draw its last.

Dilton Doiley, the universe's lone male survivor, brilliantly having built himself a one-man, two women rocketship, flees the destruction, leaving with a message, a chance to lay seed and an opportunity to rebuild the universe in his image.

Elsewhere, the Virgin Comics Universe is no more.

and John Woo's Seven Brothers tried but could offer little hope or resistance.

A message is sent upon a frequency that reaches across the universes.

"Dilton Doiley here..."

"The information:

The assembled powers of (Insert Here) and (Insert Here) have threatened to visit destruction and enslavement of the universes."

"The threat must be met but there's a problem. The assembled powers of (Insert Here) and (Insert Here) threaten to attack from a pocket universe that exists like some hybrid of Brigadoon and the Mongol Empire."

"The universe's gateway opens at one specific time but could exist in theirs for years. In our time, it is a war that will last mere seconds but will leave every man, woman and child dead or enslaved and your universes in ruins."

"Your Earth will not be enough. They will take their campaigns of destruction across the galaxy and eventually, the universes."

"United, I believe, we can stop them."

Cheil Matzav. Let unity be our garrison."

The call is sent out.

The greatest minds of the surviving universes (Reed Richards, Elijah Snow, Lex Luthor, Girl Genius, Tom Strong, among others) determine that the apparatus designed to spirit the champions away only has enough power to possibly send and bring back five of their number.

The invasion must be met at the destroyers' gate, as there is simply one very specific moment to push back the invasion.

The Green Lantern Corps and The Shi'ar Imperial Guard will stand watch just outside of the gateway while S.H.I.E.L.D. works in conjunction with, representing The Umbrella Academy, Spaceboy, The T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents, a Greg Rucka-helmed Checkmate, an out-of-her-element Tara Chace and The B.P.R.D. to coordinate an emergency evacuation plan for all assembled universes.

It has been determined the independent universes, while small, can sustain life and can co-exists with the larger universes.

Five from the universes are chosen because of these different and valuable traits:

A brilliant, tactical mind.

Sheer power.

Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare.

Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last.

An ability to endure the tests of time.

The final choice of who to send off to save the universe comes down to YOU, The Second Printer.

Help keep Scott Pilgrim's little life, precious.

The universe rises or falls with your choice.

Five can save a universe.


(The "winning" five will later go on to be written in a scenario befitting their status as universal champions.)


Devon Sanders said...

Just to remind, please, keep the lists at four to five choices.

One won't cut it.

I'm really interested in seeing what you all come up with.

KENT! said...

How very RPG of you, Devon... a fun little game to play. Now, if we're supposed to choose each from a unique universe:

A brilliant, tactical mind - X-Factor's Layla Miller... she knows stuff

Sheer power - If you want someone to just get in there and hit stuff, you want Hellboy. He has no problem with that. Despite what the movies would have you think, I don't think HB can be killed.

Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare. - Jack Hawksmoor, king of cities.

Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last - You want carnage, oh, they'll give you carnage: Milk and Cheese. They will not rest until they're too drunk to move. Sure, that's two choices but "Warriors" was plural and they're a package deal

An ability to endure the tests of time (defender) - Aquaman ... you can maim him, kill him, cancel him, but he just keeps coming back... people love him even though they don't know why

(Alternates, in order: Magneto, Magnus Robot Fighter, Robotman, Brock Samson, Yoda)

Benhatt said...

So here is my list of awesome universal defenders.

The Spectre - Not whiny Allen Spectre, not conflicted Jordan Spectre. I am talking, all you saw was his hand shoving shit down, green banana hammock, Jim Corrigan Spectre.

Namor - because every team needs a tough douche bag who would punch a head off if it needed to be done.

SCUD - because the robot is more human than most superheroes and will remind people of the little guy while shooting everything with guns that never run out of bullets.

Solar: Man of the Atom - Um...he has the power to create universes and turn into energy and...and...I really like his visor.

Martian Manhunter -screw that being dead crap

if I could have a sixth I would throw in Spider Jerusalem because he would piss on the face of evil villains.

Unknown said...

Tom Strong, Thor, Doctor Manhattan, Hellboy and Jack Kirby's Omac.

Luis K. said...

Milk and Cheese, I love it! :)

I'm tempted to throw together The Sentry, Dr. Manhattan, Herbie Popnecker, and all those other godlike beings. But would those guys work as a team? In my opinion, they should just send the Justice League and be done with it.

Batman (tactical), Superman (power), Martian Manhunter (extraterrestrial/paranormal), Wonder Woman (unstoppable warrior), Green Lantern (endurance).

OTHER POSSIBLE TEAMS (apologies in advance, I have too much time on my hands):

ACROSS THE UNIVERSES: Batman (yes, on tactical, again; or maybe V from V for Vendetta but his tactical genius seems limited to bringing down totalitarian governments), Jenny Quantum (for power; haven't read The Authority in a while so am not sure if she or The Doctor ranks higher in the power stakes now), Reed Richards (extraterrestrial/ paranormal experience in spades, plus, you know, smartest man ever, and stretchy), Bigby Wolf (warrior) and Promethea (who is as eternal as the imagination, yet usually limited by her host, which makes things interesting).

ALL-VILLAIN SQUAD: Tao (tactical), Kid Marvelman (power), Doctor Doom (extraterrestrial/paranormal), The Fury (unstoppable warrior), Vandal Savage (time). God, what a mess. What a charmless bunch. And probably utterly hopeless as a team. (Unless Tao somehow manipulates them all into cooperation. But with two other masterminds in the group that's unlikely.) But it would be fun to watch them doom the universe.

Luis K. said...

Posted my caveat about Dr. Manhattan before I saw that someone had listed him! Apologies.

Omac, awesome choice. :)

Bill D. said...

A brilliant, tactical mind. - Loo Lay Th'eng from Paul Sizer's Little White Mouse. She tends to improvise her way out of problems, so maybe not quite tactical, but her solutions work more often than not.

Sheer power. - Herbie Popnecker. He'll bop whatever's in his way with this here lollipop.

Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare. - The Doctor (Doctor Who comics are eligible, right?). We'll say the fifth Doctor, to be specific, since he played the best with others and had the least overall ego.

Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last. - The Smurfs. They're really determined, upbeat, and best of all, there's a ton of 'em. You're gonna need cannon fodder.

An ability to endure the tests of time. - Bugs Bunny. Nothing stops Bugs Bunny.

Anthony Strand said...

"A brilliant, tactical mind" - Gyro Gearloose

"Sheer power" - Solomon Grundy

"Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare" - Xander Harris

"Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last" - Jeff Smax

"An ability to endure the tests of time" - Bigby Wolf

Devon Sanders said...

Here's mine (Yeah,yeah. I', a traditionalist.)

Superman. Thor. Loki. Wonder Woman. Hal Jordan.

Superman just because he's SUPERMAN.

Thor because should he fall, you have Superman with Mjolnir. Scary.

Loki because he'll just f*** s*** up and throw in some surprises.

Wonder Woman because she's the greatest super-powered, closed fist and weapons fighter in the galaxy and just may be the only person alive who can keep Loki's wild ass in check.

And Hal because he may, at times, be a douchebag, he's the galaxy's greatest extraterrestrial and as The Spectre, paranormal fighting douchebag.

Matt Worzala said...

-A brilliant, tactical mind.
1) Mr. Terrific. Isn't he the guy that showed aptitude for showing aptitude?

-Sheer power.
2) The Hulk. Not to tell everyone else you're wrong, but you're wrong. "Hulk is Strongest One There Is."

-Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare.
3) Adam Rann. Isn't that what he does? Professionally?

-Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last.
4) Thor. Just so at some point he can "Say Thee Nay" to someone And Spartan from WildCATS (since you said WarriorS)(and cause I was a Spartan mark)

-An ability to endure the tests of time.
5) Firestorm... cause he's awesome.

Anonymous said...

1) Either Batman (because you know he has a plan for this already) or Doctor Doom (we all know he's smarter than the foolish Richards!)

2) You want sheer power? Then go with Herbie. Kid's a walking singularity.

3) Prince Gavyn a.k.a. Starman -- he was the lone vigilante for an entire star empire. Plus, he flew around in space with no spacesuit. That's hardcore.

4) Steve "Captain America" Rogers, granted emergency leave from Heaven. I think he's already proven his "hero to the last breath" credentials.

5) Any surviving member of the WWII-era Justice Society or the Invaders. (Maybe the Flash or Spitfire? Every team needs a speedster.) These guys endured the freaking Nazis.

PJ said...

Yeah, my list is pretty traditionalist, too.

-A brilliant, tactical mind: Batman, because Batman always finds a way, even when there's no way to be found.

-Sheer power: Thor, the man who pounded Thanos into paste, and then dared him to get up.

-Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare: Mr. Fantastic and Dr. Strange, since that's what they do.

-Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last: Orion, the Dog of War, who pounded Darkseid into paste and announced to the universe that it was finished.

-An ability to endure the tests of time: Superman, the first and greatest of all our heroes.

[Alternates, in order: Cyclops, The Flash, Silver Surfer, Captain America, and Captain Marvel]

Devon Sanders said...


Yeah, that Orion scene was kinda one of the pimpingest things I've ever read.

Unknown said...

Judge Dredd: that guy has been through some wars

Superman: just becasue

Silver Surfer: spends all day dealing with alien races

Captain America: Will not say die ( unless shot by his girlfriend )

Mr Majestic: If written by Alan Moore

Anonymous said...

A brilliant, tactical mind - Mister Miracle. Think about it, he spends all day trying to think of impenetrable traps, then tries to think of how to get out of them. He'd be the best person to plan anything.

Sheer power - The Goon. I don't know about you, but I've got a feeling anyone else wouldn't fight nearly as dirty that he would. Knife to the eye?

Experience with extraterrestrial and possible paranormal warfare. - Swamp Thing. He's faced down all of these things and he's come out the other side better for it.

Warriors who will not lay until they have breathed their last - Jesse Sanchez: Street Angel. Orphan of the streets and skateboarding daughter of justice, Jesse Sanchez fights a never ending battle against the forces of evil, nepotism, ninjas, and hunger.... let's face it, those are never ending battles.

An ability to endure the tests of time - The Thing. He possess all the requirements for each field, it's true (tactical minds are needed for organizing poker matches you compete in, ask anyone.) He's stood the test of time from his days on yancy street to the negative zone and remained essentially the same guy.

that's my pick.

Oh, and I think if Jesse Sanchez and Jenny Quantum met, there'd be some underage drunkeness going on.