Comics Explained: Siege, Part Two

Siege (2009)

Actual conversations in a comic book store:

Me:  So, now that leaves us at Civil War. Things get wacky a little for me at this point so bear with me. The government wants all the heroes and the villains to register to become heroes.

Customer: Hold on. So, does the government want the Marvel villains to be villains?

Me: (smile)

Customer: (silence)

Me: So... Cap opposes this and Iron Man doesn't and somewhere in this and is appointed The Secretary of Defense...

C: Nooo...

Me: Yes. So, because Cap is against it, Stark brands him a traitor and hunts him down and while all of this is going on Captain America hijacks a fighter jet and decides to surf on it.

C: (puzzled look)

Me: Trust me, it makes no sense but it was one HELL of a visual. So, Cap gathers together a band of rebels in opposition to Stark's plan...

C: Wait! Was all of this going on during the Iron Man movie hoopla?

Me: Kinda but no one who actually went to see the movie would care, anyway. There's a huge fight between Cap and Iron Man and Cap admits defeat when a mailman, a policeman and a firefighter try and beat him up.

C: (Mouth wide open)

Me: I know. The civil service.

C: Seriously?

Me: Seriously, it's called "ham-fisted," son.

C: So, then?

Me: Well, Tony Stark takes over S.H.I.E.L.D. and arrests Cap and parades him out onto the streets where he's promptly assassinated.

C: WHAT?!?

Me: Don't worry, it was only a time displacement bullet.

C: (raises eyebrow)

Me: Yeeeeah...

Me: And then Stark recruited Reed Richards to build concentration camps in space. OH, YEAH! And THEN, they fought The Hulk and shot him into space. He was PISSED, conquered a few worlds, impregnated an alien and when his baby's mama got killed by Stark's rocket thingy declared war on Earth but nothing really came of that.

C: (blank stare)

Me: And then, there were Skrulls.