Actual conversations in a comic book store:
Customer: Can you tell me what Siege is about?
Me: (pause) How long have you been away from comics?
C: Since "The Clone Saga."
Me: (pause) Are you sure you want to start with Siege, then?
C: Is it really involved or something?
Me: Kiiinda. Siege is sort of the end of a six year comic book cycle of events.
C: I've got a minute.
Me: Well, back in 2004, I think, this writer Brian Michael Bendis revitalized The Avengers by bringing in Wolverine and Spider-Man basically making them Marvel's Justice League equivalent.
C: It's most famous heroes on one team?
Me: Exactly, and he added some of his favorites onto the team like Spider-Woman and Luke Cage.
C: Luke Cage? Power Man? Like Power Man and Iron Fist, Luke Cage?
Me: The same. Things were cool for a little bit and then The Avengers fought Electro and a bunch of B-list villains then, things got weird?
C: Weird, how? Like did they find out Electro was some sort of criminal mastermind or something?
Me: No, he just caused a blackout.
C: Bull****. Spider-Man handles this sort of thing by himself all the time and him AND The Avengers couldn't handle it?
Me: Son, don't make me have to explain "decompression" to you. Anyway, do you remember The New Warriors?
C: The team with Speedball on it?
Me: Exactly, well, Speedball blows up a school full of kids and...
Me: It gets better! Because of this the government wants all the heroes and villains in The Marvel Universe to get "hero licenses."
C: Like... licenses to be superheroes.
Me: Yeah and Speedball became a cutter and his cat is on a team called "The Pet Avengers..."
C: Go on...
Me: So, Iron Man agrees with this line of thinking because Marvel needed a character to represent The Right and he used to be an arms dealer so, of course...
C: Let me guess, Cap represented The Left and Spidey was the middle trying to bring the two sides together...
Me: Nah, he sided with Stark.
Me: Yeah, and to thank him Tony eventually gave him a new costume made of armor.
C: (Perplexed look on face) Uh...
Me: Let me guess; you haven't heard of Civil War...
The great battle where the postal service was the deciding factor in a great philosophical war.
TO BE CONTINUED...