Crossing The Final Line

"Dude, me and her don't get along anymore. We don't agree on anything. She keeps coming up with all of these crazy plans and expecting me to go along with them. She keeps promising "this time it's gonna be the last." It seems, lately, all she wants from me is money. This sh*t's been going on for nearly five years now and I don't know if I can take another one of her episodes."

(Pause)

"Should I stay?"

• Crisis On Infinite Earths
• Identity Crisis
• Countdown To Infinite Crisis
• Infinite Crisis
• 52
• Countdown To Final Crisis and now...

• FINAL CRISIS.

DC Comics, I don't know if I can do this anymore. We've been together for a long time. Sure, you treat me right on the low-end. You still give me Blue Beetle, Checkmate and Catwoman but that's only on the good days.

Wait. You're not going to do that Catwoman thing anymore?!?

You're doing Blue Beetle and Checkmate with other men?!? I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm strong enough to be your man anymore.

What? When I left you halfway through the Countdown party, you still thought things were OK between us?

You're wearing your pretty Chip Kidd dress so you must want something. You're having another Crisis? Oh, this time it features Grant Morrison & JG Jones and the potential return of Barry Allen? Really, this is going to be the "final" one? I don't know if I can believe you anymore. You weren't exactly truthful to me about the last big Crisis .

Listen, I appreciate the pretty dress and all but let's face it, we're in trouble and I don't think having another Flash will save our relationship. Hell, we had one die on us last year and we're barely taking care of the two that we've got now!

I don't know if we should be doing this right now. No, no, I appreciate the DC Universe #0 "Thinking Of You" note you sent me last week. I mean, you shouldn't have left the price tag on but I guess it's the thought that counts.

Don't you get it? I want to be here. Things just need to get better.

There's still a lot of good in this relationship. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, Nightwing went and got good again. You got me back. I still don't know how you managed to pull that one off.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a little tired. I'm tired of the tricks and gimmicks. I just wanna adore you again.

Consistency's what got me here and constantly offering me nothing but "Crisis" makes me wonder if you're in it for the right reasons. You can't keep taking my money without giving me anything to show for it. You can't keep expecting me to not say anything. I'm not stupid.

Listen, you've got me. I'm here. I don't want to be done but if this has to be the last time you pull this card. What I'm telling you is this...

You got me twenty some years ago with the first Crisis. It was cute then watching you stamp your feet, declaring how you were going to change the universe. You did and I was so proud of you. Now? Now you're doing it once a week. We're a little old for this.

Were all of the other Crisises really necessary?

Seriously, when are you going to learn that you don't need a crisis to keep me?