Friday, May 9, 2008

Crossing The Final Line

"Dude, me and her don't get along anymore. We don't agree on anything. She keeps coming up with all of these crazy plans and expecting me to go along with them. She keeps promising "this time it's gonna be the last." It seems, lately, all she wants from me is money. This sh*t's been going on for nearly five years now and I don't know if I can take another one of her episodes."

(Pause)

"Should I stay?"

  • Crisis On Infinite Earths
  • Identity Crisis
  • Countdown To Infinite Crisis
  • Infinite Crisis
  • 52
  • Countdown To Final Crisis and now...
  • FINAL CRISIS.
DC Comics, I don't know if I can do this anymore. We've been together for a long time. Sure, you treat me right on the low-end. You still give me Blue Beetle, Checkmate and Catwoman but that's only on the good days.

Wait. You're not going to do that Catwoman thing anymore?!?

You're doing Blue Beetle and Checkmate with other men?!? I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm strong enough to be your man anymore.

What? When I left you halfway through the Countdown party, you still thought things were OK between us?

You're wearing your pretty Chip Kidd dress so you must want something. You're having another Crisis? Oh, this time it features Grant Morrison & JG Jones and the potential return of Barry Allen? Really, this is going to be the "final" one? I don't know if I can believe you anymore. You weren't exactly truthful to me about the last big Crisis .

Listen, I appreciate the pretty dress and all but let's face it, we're in trouble and I don't think having another Flash will save our relationship. Hell, we had one die on us last year and we're barely taking care of the two that we've got now!

I don't know if we should be doing this right now. No, no, I appreciate the DC Universe #0 "Thinking Of You" note you sent me last week. I mean, you shouldn't have left the price tag on but I guess it's the thought that counts.

Don't you get it? I want to be here. Things just need to get better.

There's still a lot of good in this relationship. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, Nightwing went and got good again. You got me back. I still don't know how you managed to pull that one off.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a little tired. I'm tired of the tricks and gimmicks. I just wanna adore you again.

Consistency's what got me here and constantly offering me nothing but "Crisis" makes me wonder if you're in it for the right reasons. You can't keep taking my money without giving me anything to show for it. You can't keep expecting me to not say anything. I'm not stupid.

Listen, you've got me. I'm here. I don't want to be done but if this has to be the last time you pull this card. What I'm telling you is this...

You got me twenty some years ago with the first Crisis. It was cute then watching you stamp your feet, declaring how you were going to change the universe. You did and I was so proud of you. Now? Now you're doing it once a week. We're a little old for this.

Were all of the other Crisises really necessary?

Seriously, when are you going to learn that you don't need a crisis to keep me?

8 comments:

grebok-sod said...

Beautiful, sir.

Just beautiful.

Benhatt said...

Yeah, D, that was fantastic.

Jordan said...

That... that was breathtaking.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

First Crisis was necessary to build a cohesiver universe.

Identity Crisis was completely misnamed.

But something about the DCU that I'm really starting to dig are these crisis moments through continuity. There's this sci-fi re-shaping of reality that happens and it's very metatextual. Marvel just can't pull this kind of thing off.

BIG MIKE said...

Beautiful prose, D. I salute you, sir. Part of me doesn't wonder if Final Crisis isn't sort of an outgrowth of the fact that everyone expected Infinite Crisis to change everything, when in fact, it just tied up a few loose ends from COIE. It wasn't until 52 and whatnot that we really got a new status quo with the multiverse... but the question remains: what good is creating a brave new world if you're going to reshuffle the deck before we get a chance to live in it?

Graig said...

I've read a half dozen interviews with Morrison about FC and if it were just his solitary vision, the culmination of the bulk of his superhero work at DC (as well as closing off Kirby's New Gods) then I'd be celebrating.

But then I go to Newsarama and CBR and other places to see Geoff Johns or Brad Meltzer or Greg Rucka talking about "Final Crisis: story x", "Final Crisis: story y" etc, and I feel the daunting weight of trying to keep abreast of the goings on in a whole universe.

I love grand scope, especially when done right... but it's been five years (or more) and I'm getting old, and tired, and I'd like to buy a house some day... because the only house you can build out of comics is a house of ideas, and that's no place for a grown man to live.

Devon Sanders said...

"The only house you can build out of comics is a house of ideas, and that's no place for a grown man to live."

Wow, you just gave me the shivers.

ChrisM said...

Devon!
You sir are a poet!

But I'm still kind of annoyed by the response of everyone about Final Crisis. I mean..Marvel's Secret Invasion is the ESSENCE of pimping out the cross-over summer event. DC's crisis books this time around, by comparison, is relatively localized and doesn't compel you to pick up books that you wouldn't ordinarily.

I have my concerns about Final Crisis-but ultimately I think most of us know this becomes yet another Good vs. Evil where good wins.

But again, its the HOW. I'm looking forward to it.

What seems to be the point of resentment is how DC manipulates the fans to care about their characters enough to buy their books.

If DC hadn't killed Blue Beetle, Supergirl, or the Flash there wouldn't be the insane fan outcry.

If fan entitlement gives us the right to demand a great comic book, it also becomes our responsibility to support a great comic when it comes out.