Kyle Rayner, Swag Swag #likeCaillou

Chances are if you're not Canadian and don't have children then you don't know of Caillou.  I am Canadian and chances are if I never had kids then I'd have never heard of Caillou, and I'd probably be the happier for it.

Caillou is an insufferably precious, balloon-headed bald kid whose parents treat him like he's exceptionally fragile, as if he's going through chemotherapy or something (would explain the baldness).  I swear they break down crying every time time they're not in the room with him.  The narrator of the program talks in that manner as if she's about to break out in a chuckle all the time, and it grates on my goddamn nerves... but not as much as the theme song, which I can only stomach when I pretend it's David Cross singing it old-school broadway style, wearing a beanie cap and painted on freckles.  Worse still, it's bloody infectious, one of those earworms that crawls inside your brain and makes a home.

Don't know what I'm talking about?  Here you go, listen at your own risk.



 Anyway, what's the point?  Point is this:

Kyle Rayner is no fan of Caillou.  He straight up bum rushed that Hector Hammond-looking kid off his fireman Big Wheel and is gone, baby gone, singing his own damn version of the Caillou theme song:

I'm Earth's Green Lantern number four, 
once the only one but now there's more, 
including a dog named G'nort, 
I'm KyleRayner

One night I drank too much and had to pee, 
wandered into a back alley, 
that's where the ring found me, 
I'm KyleRayner


Found my girlfriend in a fridge and joined the JLA...
but my ring keeps slinging, creating new shapes...

This space cop thing is not so tough, 
but that Black Lantern thing was kinda rough, 
and Hal Jordan can suck my nut, 
I'm KyleRayner, KyleRayner, I'm KyleRayner... That's me.





I get bored sometimes.