[Anyone whose ever worked a comic/geek convention booth (or store, I should add) knows from observation that, by and large, we're mostly pretty well-adjusted people, regular folk who just get into this stuff... but man, some of our kind, well, they're just so very, very trying, they push our patience to the limit, invite ridicule or just fall haplessly into stereotypes that you can't help but laugh in the face of it. It's cruel, but we recognize that we too have the potential to fall into these extremes if we're not careful. So we must -as much as it hurts- we must highlight these fringes of our subculture, so that we can be more self-aware and grow and flourish as a community, rather than hold ourselves back. And we must laugh. So, after over 30 hours spent on the Toronto Fan Expo convention room floor, a friend and I are workshopping this idea, the 2nd Annual Fan Expo Mean Spirit Awards, and today, in it's preliminary form, you are invited to share in our cruel humor. The categories, please:]
The "They tried, but really, they didn't" award for Best Worst Effort - Costume
The "Oh God, my eyes" award for Best Tight/Revealing Costume On An Obese Person
The "I finally found a mint-in-box Officer Jon Baker action figure!!!" award for Biggest Geek Out Over The Lamest Shit
The "The depths of my social ineptness knows no bounds" award for Most Truthful/Hurtful "Yo Mamma" Joke (renamed from the "Yo Mamma's cancer was so bad..." award)
The "Orange Crush is totally better than C-Plus" award for Most Retarded Convention Floor Argument
The "...and her hair color is supposed to be more Pantone 181C..." award for Longest and Most In-Depth Scrutiny of An Action Figure Paint Job
The "A-A-A-A-A-A-A-"award for Logest Fanboy Stutter During a Panel Q&A
The "Him?" award for Hottest Chick With Geekiest Boyfriend
The "he told me he was a geek, but I didn't understand until now" award for Best Look of Boredom On A Girlfriend's Face.
The "it burns" award for Best Averse Reaction To Natural Light
The "all hope is lost" award for Oldest Virgin (This replaces last year's award for "Biggest Virgin", which went to The Guy That Broke The Escalator, since the category wasn't defined all that well, obviously leading to much confusion at nomination time)
The "Loosen up those purse-strings, mother" award for Best Justification To One's Mother For An Expensive Purchase (under 18 category and and also over 35 category. The 19-35 category was cancelled this year due to a lack of nominees last year -- good job nerds!)
The "reciting the 'Are You An Angel' dialogue from Phantom Menace" award for Most Pathetic Attempt At Making Small Talk With A Booth Girl
The "that boy has girls" award for Best Man Boobs
The "Hi, uhh, I'm John, and uhh, I wanna ask Kari when you're gonna do your next FHM shoot" award for Most Uncomfortable Moment At A Panel.
The "One of these things is not like the other" award for Most Incongruous Cosplay Group Photo
The "It really binds at the crotch" award for Best Children's Costume? (what's that doing in there? Oh I missed the sub header...)... for Best Children's Costume (as Worn By An Adult)
The "It's from Solarbabies! Really? Come on, how can you NOT have seen Solarbabies?" award for Most Incredulous Reaction To A Non-Reaction To An Obscure Reference/Quote.
The "sir, please don't touch the merchandise" award for Sweatiest Fanboy (non-costume)
The "cleanup in aisle three" award for Drooliest Fanboy (those with medical conditions are ineligible for nomination)
The "Spawn Hawaiian Shirt" award for Best Ugly Wardrobe, Worn Un-ironically (non-costume)
The "she's gotta be a stripper" award for Sluttiest Attire (costume or non-costume).
The "does he have to pee or does he have hooker crabs" award for Most Conspicuous Crotch Grabs (Self).
The "my cat's my best friend" award for Saddest/Loneliest Looking Person.
The "MEDIC!" award for Person Most Likely to Have a Heart Attack From (quotation fingers) "All That Walking"
The "I do all my shopping online and am not used to this "social interaction"" award for Most Suspicious Reaction To A Friendly Greeting From A Vendor.
The "I'm kinda half hard right now, Mr. West" award for Most Awkward Interaction With A Celebrity/Artist
The "you make me uncomfortable in my... you know... sexuality" award for Best Looking Cross-dressing Cosplay
Submit your nominees today. (Nominations closed just before you started reading this sentence.)