Friday, May 22, 2009

Hey, Kids! PORN!

PORNO COMICS

After perusing the comics racks with me the other day, the girlfriend asked me a question, "Are these porno comics?"

"No, just regular comics. They do make those."

"....?!?!"

Oh, she does not know our world, does she?

What I love about her innocence is that her understanding of comics is strictly on the surface level. She knows a Superman, a Batman, a Spider-Man, a Wonder Woman but the fact that someone could possibly see these characters or any character for that matter that occupied a small corner of her childhood as some sort of sexual entity is just astounding to her.

Yet, as astounding as it may be to her, I think I'm just horribly desensitized to what she's seeing.

Has my having seen so many comics led me to this place where I don't even see the ridiculousness of Emma Frost's X-Men uniform anymore?

If it has, how come every time I see a Greg Land drawn character my corneas provide the failure for my words to express what I'm feeling?

NOSTALGIA PORN

Raise your hand if at one point you were like me and considered a Wednesday where no X-Men comics were published.

Now, it's like a day where Jon Carey isn't comparing himself to an elephant's... down there. It just never happens anymore. Marvel knows its market and come hell or high water, there WILL be an X-Men comic on the stands for no other reason than that we, as readers, have come to expect it.

And one of the biggest reasons for this was the prolificacy of 70's/80's/90's X-Men writer Chris Claremont. Last month, Marvel announced the creation of X-Men Forever, a comic answering the question question fans across the world had been asking themselves, "What would Claremont have done with The X-Men if he hadn't been fired."
I wish, WISH one of my former employers would re-hire me to pick up where I left off:

"Did you hear? Devon bought the company and rehired himself."

"No! How?!?"

"He won the lottery."

"Which one?"

"Which one? We already know he won the genetic lottery. The other one. The one with the money. He just fired the boss and created a new research division for himself. Buttocks fondling. By the way, he wants to see you in his office."

"Geez, I shoulda been kinder to that guy."

There's all kinds of reasons this thing could be bad.

One: Claremont hasn't exactly been at the top of his game for nearly two decades.

Two and most important: It's just out-and-out pandering to the fanboys who "stuck around" past the Nineties and who may have dropped X-Men somewhere along the line. The storylines won't go anywhere because guess what... they didn't happen.

Apparently, nostalgia porn's going for $3.99 a pop nowadays.

SHELF PORN

5 comments:

SigmaTE said...

Funny about the image of Sue Storm. The artist Greg Land actually used a porn star as the photo reference. So if that was the image, your gf was 100% correct.

Allan said...

You just wrote this to brag about having a girlfriend.

I kid.

Seriously though, I think the only thing that's changed when it's come to the covert sexuality of traditional comics is that we're all old enough to appreciate and acknowledge it. It's called fantasy for a reason.

And one of the benefits of being a staunchly anti-Marvel enthusiast is that I've never once associated Wednesdays with any ragtag collection of mutant ne'er-do-wells.

Siskoid said...

So you didn't pick up Herogasm #1, I take it?

Devon Sanders said...

LOL! No, I didn't. I don't wanna have to EVER explain that thing to any I remotely care to talk to.

Devon Sanders said...

@ SigmaTE

That wasn't the image but it was a Land image.

Last month's X-Men cover, if I'm correct. I chose the image, not knowing it was traced porn star.

@ Allan

She's a good kid so, yeah...

Maybe. A little bit.

Always good to see you around these parts.